“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
~Brené Brown, Author of The Gifts of Imperfection
Money, Money, Money!!!
Those words are like nails scratching on a chalkboard!
Most people do not like to hear or for that matter talk about Money! In fact, most rather “numb-down” that topic because it evokes too much emotion.
So they say things like this…
“I’m doing okay!”
“Money comes, money goes!”
“I didn’t need that after all!”
“I’m happy where I am!”
What are the chances that those people will increase their wealth? Slim to none!
But will positive affirmations or money chants lead them to prosperity, cash flowing like a river?
I’m going to get very serious with you here! I’m going to share the number one cause of what’s blocking your Money Flow!
It’s Your Money Shame!
Did I just see your head crouch down? Did your heart just sink a touch?
Listen, I’m not here to create more Shame in your life. No, my goal here is to shine some light on this Shadow side of your money.
I will be completely honest with you, writing this triggered me too. I had to take a moment because I felt this rush of anxiety that became a little overwhelming and made my stomach nauseous. (Luckily for me, I use EFT -emotional freedom technique to ease some of that anxiety.)
Yep, my money shame was rising up like lava rises up in a volcano.
Brené Brown says that “Shame grows exponentially with these 3 ingredients – secrecy, silence, and judgment.”
Shame thrives when it is nicely hidden way down in your body and the moment you begin to shine some light on it, it becomes this scary monster so that you do not have to deal with it and it goes back to it’s “safe cave” way back down in your body.
You know how it gets you? It tells you, ” get over it and just keep working harder!’
It is a sneaky “son-of-a-bitch”! It’s that part of you that does not want to let you go! It likes to see you in depression, hidden from the world, and addictive to outside elements. And yes, overworking is an addiction!
What does Money Shame look like?
First of all, it is an inner voice that just loves to whisper in your ear. It sounds like this – “Who do you think you are teaching this?” or ” You are not smart enough!” “You are not ready for this!” “You’re not enough!” Now that inner voice can be even meaner and say things like – “You’re not skinny enough!” “You don’t have enough education!” “You aren’t pretty enough!”
Those words are scarcity of your self-worth!
Let me lay down something for you –
YOUR MONEY DOES NOT EQUAL YOUR SELF-WORTH!
Let’s quickly define what Shame is:
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary
1a : a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or improprietyb : the susceptibility to such emotion have you no shame?
2: a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute : ignominy
According to Brené Brown, (excerpted from her Blog – Shame v Guilt)
“I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
Shame is about the Self! It becomes very personal and it literally breaks the heart of oneself.
I truly believe that when Shame is dominant, personal power is weakened.
This is why it is so important to open up the conversation and shine light on Shame specifically – Money Shame!
Because as long as you keep your money relationship hidden, silent and judgmental, you just keep giving more power to that Money Shame! And this leads to a downward spiral that keeps you underearning; stuck in the cycle of feast or famine, and in constant survival mode.
Money Shame does not discriminate. Even the most successful entrepreneurs and high performers have their moments when they have ridden that train of the “downward spiral” causing disrupt in their business and in their personal life.
It has a high price. For most, the financial cost run in the thousands and the emotional cost is happiness, peace, stability, and what I believe to be the most important – Power of Choice!
But it’s not your fault…
There are two main culprits….
Your family paradigm who just passed on unconscious generational behavioral patterns and belief systems;
and cultural peer pressure.
When you are first born, you come into a family, biological or not, where you are solely at their mercy of your initial personal development. When a core need was not met at your basic survival level that began in childhood, then you tend to look for outside elements to fill that void throughout your adult life. Can you guess what is one of those outside elements that most people use to fulfill a core need? You guessed it – money! They seek out money as a way to validate their self-worth! And this my dear friend is danger for codependency.
By default, we seek approval from society and our own culture so we are influenced by their definition of success. Money is part of that formula to success and when we don’t meet those expectations, we feel like a failure.
And this is how Money Shame is born.
I will add that there is more to all of this but for now I just want to briefly expose these two culprits and how they have influenced your perspective on this ideology of Success and Money.
Steps to Healing….
1. Shine light and acknowledge that you just may have some shame around money. Stop “numbing-down” that emotion. Remember that the more you “numb it down”, the more power you give it.
2. Have self-compassion! This is not your fault. It is just a mind-based conditioning that you unconsciously inherited.
3. Detach from the “need” of Money to fill that void of a core need you have within yourself. When you attach your self-worth to Money, then you develop a codependency to it. So detach, detach, detach. Go within yourself and determine what is that core need because most likely no amount of money will ever be able to fulfill that need.
Before I put a pause on this post,
Here is one more thing I want you to take away particularly if you are an entrepreneur, in sales, or a freelancer…
Be aware that everyone has some degree of Money Shame.
It is easy to judge and jump to conclusions. Perhaps, a prospect did not jump on board with you; a client backed out from a contract; or a business partnership fell through.
It’s in that judgment that you form an attachment to the outcome and when it falls through, you internalize it and take it personally. But I want you to see it from this perspective…not everyone is ready to be part of your team or even your client.
When you walk into those meetings, walk in from an energetic space of detachment from that “need” (your hidden agenda).
Everyone has a degree of hidden money shame and if you are walking into that meeting with your own hidden money shame, then you will keep attracting more of the same.
Once you have healed that part of yourself, you will no longer have that hidden agenda and you will attract in stronger, quality team members, partners and clients.
And your Cash will Be Flowing Like a River!
It’s time to pause ….
Stay tuned … more of this to come ….
If any of this resonated with you and you feel you want some guidance, feel free to connect with me and send me a message.
I offer private 1:1 Coaching and Workshops for Sales Teams, Network marketing organizations and small businesses. Just click on the button below.