The grape has to be harvested and crushed. Then it ferments, as it disintegrates even further. On the way to becoming wine, the grape has its own dark night. Its bite and flavor are reminders of its journey from the vine to the vat to the carafe. You can taste its history of vegetal tragedy. You can delight in the effervescence of its maturity.
~Thomas Moore, Author of Dark Knights of the Soul, published by Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group(USA) Inc.
There are days like Today, where I did not feel all “sunshine and rainbows” when I woke up this morning. I went to YouTube to go find something inspiring to help me out of the mood and I came across Gabby Bernstein and Lewis Howes on How to Turn Fear into Faith.
Well I have to say that did not uplift me as Gabby spoke about her repressed trauma on sexual abuse and in this particular video Lewis Howes also mentioned that he went through similar experiences and kept it hidden for years. I only got through that first 10 minutes or so and just shut it off.
I also had my own experience with Sexual Abuse but don’t like to talk about it and prefer to keep that in the past. Only thing is that I’m not supposed to, at least that is what God is saying. That video stirred up feelings inside of me that made me feel nauseous and sick. And all I could pray was not Today. Just not Today!
Anyone who has been through abuse or traumatic experiences can relate to what I’m talking about. It’s those memories that you just want to keep hidden and stuck way down there because, frankly my dear, we just have too much shit to do and just don’t have time to deal with it. It’s those memories that love to creep back up in the most untimely moments but at the same time is when we probably need it the most.
This week has been incredibly challenging and I was looking to turn things around. I just didn’t know how. I was angry with myself and just did not feel supported. My lack of support by whom? And that’s when it hit me that I was stuck in this pattern of playing the victim, the wounded child. This archetype that Caroline Myss speaks about in her book Sacred Contracts is within all of us. And each Archetype has a Shadow side. This Shadow side is what holds us back and can sometimes keep us stuck as that “spoiled brat.”
But there is a gift looking at the Shadow side but in order for me to have looked at the side, God shoved that video in my face to confront something I could no longer ignore.
And that there was something deep inside of myself that needed healing.
Now I’m going to ask you to hang in here for a moment because the type of inner healing I do can be quite liberating if you allow it.
Most people run away from pain because it’s just too hard to face it. Our brain is wired to run away from pain. It’s just our natural basic instinct so that we can survive and function.
But I’m going to invite you to face your pain because there are gifts in that pain. There are gifts in facing your Shadow side.
Now I haven’t read too many books on working with the Shadow side. This morning after Church, I stayed behind to journal as I usually do and this was downloaded to me. I allow God to speak to me through journaling.
I truly feel that my mission is to somehow serve and help the wounded. My mission is to help people bring them closer to their Soul. But in order to do that, I must become One with my own Soul.
I feel my own Soul wants me to have more fun in my life. (I work too many hours.) Today’s Gospel spoke of Surrender. And, God knows he is trying to get through my stubbornness to surrender.
I’m open to surrender all of my fear, anxiety, worry and all the shadow emotions that no longer serve me.
As Gabby says, I need to become a witness to them and acknowledge my Shadow side. It is there for a purpose.
I truly believe that we are perfect human beings and that includes the Shadow side. It is there to be the guide on what it is we have to heal for ourselves.
Yes, trauma exists, unforeseen circumstances, unwanted experiences and circumstances happen.
But if you were to meditate and become silent with one, you will hear and become that witness so that you can see the lesson or message in the trauma, danger or experience.
Somehow you gathered the strength within yourself at that precise moment to help you through that. There was a benevolent force that also played a major role in that experience.
They say, “God will not give you anything you cannot handle.” I believe in that truth.
So perhaps that when we go through trauma, bad experiences, your job is not to stay stuck in that place of victim-hood but to revisit that experience just for 5 minutes so that you can find your strengths and your gifts.
The reason the Shadow shows up in your life is because you didn’t see that before. You stayed focus on the “bad” and although the trauma was bad and unjust, staying in that place of victim doesn’t serve you throughout your life.
The Shadow brings you pain so that you can heal what is underneath it. Shining light on that pain and finding that root cause will release its control over.
I truly believe that our Shadow Side doesn’t want to be in control but will play its role until we have no choice but to go back to the trauma and heal that painful event. And it doesn’t always have to stem from childhood. Some events take place in more recent years.
This is why you keep attracting more of the same so that you can be led to heal that “old wound”.
Stop ignoring the pain that you have Today. It there for a reason. Your body talks to you in ways that you don’t expect. One way is having pain in your body or pain in your emotions. That is your Shadow side that is asking you to heal.
Why do you want to do all of this yucky work?
I have an undeniable, unshakeable belief that we all deserve to live at our best and highest Self and to live with complete and utter truthfulness.
When you live with the lesser version of yourself, you are living from a place that doesn’t have complete personal power. You are turning over your power to the thing that caused you pain. Your true essence cannot shine at its greatest when you give away your personal power. Your Soul cannot be an ally to your well-being and the Universe cannot come in and support you.
Have the courage because I can you promise you this …
There is immense freedom when you release that “thing.”
Yes, it will feel real shitty for 5 minutes and those 5 minutes may seem like eternity but if you focus on your strength, focus on how you survived, you will awaken this power within you. And this is the place you want to live from!