Last year I was receiving these unusual emails from my military insurance account. It felt a little suspicious so I checked the address line. When I clicked the From section, I saw it came from firstname.lastname@example.org. This confirmed my suspicions that the emails were fraudulent and so I would either ignore or delete them.
One day as I was sitting in front of a computer at my local library an email came through on my phone. My inner voice said, “check your account.” Sure enough there was some strange activity. I saw a negative $2000 in red and above that line item, there was a note – Check issued. I panicked and immediately called Customer Service. They had me on hold for about 15 minutes and the young gentleman came to the phone and said, “Ms. Gonzalez , that money is yours. We mailed out the check earlier in the year and we also see it has not been cashed.”
I had to catch my breath! I had this overflowing rush of love, of unconditional love that washed over me. This was a life-defining moment because it began my journey in healing. It was my journey to come back home to Me.
My story is not easy to share. When I do open up and share my Story I tend to rush right through it.
When I received that gift, it wasn’t about the money, it was the miracle that said, “you are loved and we have your back.” This miracle came from my Angels, my Divine Team, My God.
At that moment in time I was lost and in deep, deep pain. I was in a place in my life where I had so much uncertainty. Fear dominated me as this single parent and I was embarking on this entrepreneurial journey. I was in survival mode. Deep inside I was in a depression but wouldn’t acknowledge it because I didn’t want to give power to that “Thing.” That “Thing” wasn’t just depression, it was my Powerlessness.
When I came here in October 2013, my spirit was broken. I was in a toxic marriage where I was told for 7 years straight, I was a whore and inadequate. I was criticized and humiliated in private and public daily.
The truth was I didn’t know how I got there………
It wasn’t my first time being in a broken place, though.
I was sexually abused by a close family member me for years during my adolescence. How I endured that, I don’t know. All I remember was going to school with a smile on face because I didn’t want anyone to know. I swept that under the rug. It eventually led to my demise – depression and self-sabotaging behavior. The decision that saved my life at the time was enlisting in the US Navy.
But it didn’t end there……..
Another time, my spirit was hurt again by a man who I fell deeply in love. He left the relationship without giving me closure leaving me empty and a broken heart.
My spirit was broken many times over by toxic people and unhealthy relationships which led to my “rock bottom” of my poisonous marriage.
But it was in my “rock bottom” that also became my biggest miracle. That “rock bottom” forced me to look inside myself and to figure out what I needed to change.
It forced me to ask, “How did I get here?” This gave me the gift to take full responsibility towards my future.
It forced me to ask, “How do I get out?” This gave me the permission to want more out of life and feel I deserved more.
It forced me to ask, “What will I do when I get out?” This opened the doors to my creativity.
It forced me to ask, “How far will I go to give my Babies a better future?” That tapped into my Hunger.
Those questions led to powerful decisions that changed my whole trajectory of my life……
What I learned about myself in the last 4 years and more so in the last 2 years, that I had to come Home. Home for me was not my physical residence. Home was where my Spirit lived, where my Soul needed nurturing so it could come alive.
As I look back and reflect……..I realized I was never broken, they were. Not I!
What I lacked was owning my Personal Power and Honoring the Woman who loved selflessly, who was caring, giving and compassionate.
In fact, when I step into my truth and acknowledge that “Thing” that no one could take away, it was my Inner Strength. It took me some time until I could finally see their weaknesses.
I’m not a Survivor. I’m a Champion of my Human Spirit. I’m still standing in all my glory. I’m also an Advocate for others to become Champions of their own Human Spirit.
My gift to myself has been to confidently acknowledge and honor the Woman I am today.
I don’t believe in this surface level, law of attraction band-aid to change lives. You cannot manipulate the law of attraction. What you do is transform who you are and that doesn’t happen at the surface. It happens in the depths of your Soul. This is where I had to go and that is the place where most people avoid. I had to go into the depths of my Soul to capture the glimpse of my life, to earn back my Power and to selfishly Love myself unconditionally.
My quote that I wrote in my healing journey – “The most courageous people that walk this Earth are the ones that Stand in their truth.”
Most people prefer comfortable lies vs uncomfortable truths. This would give them a reality check that they may not want to face. Most people live asleep. They may have to admit to themselves that perhaps they lived their whole only to discover it was wrong. And that is a stab in the heart to wake up to that reality because you only have one life. There is no replay. So it’s much easier to live with the comfortable lies. It’s much easier to live with the limiting story, the generational paradigms, the blocks, the guilt, the shame, the fear and the blame on others. All of these things are mountains and it takes strength to move those mountains. Not everyone is willing to go through that journey.
Yes, I’m a Champion of the Human Spirit. I help you get to your Core Center where you integrate self-love and personal power to give you the Winning Edge at Life so you carry out your Life Mission.